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(sorry about the * at the bottom, for some reason WordPress decided at the bottom that “enter” doesn’t mean anything, I need my shit spaced)

I talk too much. I have as far back as I can remember.

As early as age 11 I remember lamenting this problem.

I hate it when people talk too much, when this happens to me I zone out. I start thinking about other things, and I have been close with others who suffer from this same weakness as me.

Repeatedly throughout my life I am reminded of this problem.

One month, in my weird Christian days, I even attempted a one month vow of silence. It did not go well. I had a lot of drama in my life back then.

Now I see the need again.

Constantly reminded by contact with my Augoiedes (HGA, Dameon, inner genius), who speaks to me of a penetrating silence. A kind of silence which creates a psychic vacuum giving the communication of others to you.

I know one of the reasons I talk too much is because I feel others don’t talk enough.

One anxiety I find worse than that of being talked at by some motormouth like me who goes on and on, is the anxiety caused by someone who sits there silently and contributes nothing to our shared presence.

I am told that there is a Native American tradition of the silent greeting where the people sit and enjoy each other’s presence while speaking.

I am quite sure that most people who disturb me with their silence are not so enlightened, rather there seems to be a strong cowardice among people to even have thoughts, much less share them.

There is a quote from Mark Twain that says:

“Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt.”
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This seems to be a common maxim followed by many.
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So where does that leave the jabberjaws, the chatterbox, with the burden of providing the entertainment for the stupid psychic vampire you are now stuck with. Of course, only to find yourself being ignored and considering yourself the “fool” who has removed “all doubt.”
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Now is the time of my Vishuddha Chakra.
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This is the Throat Chakra. The Chakras are about channeling energy, specifically the Kundalini energy, which deserves its own post and my own experiences are still at a novice level.
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The energy of my Vishuddha is constantly wasted.
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In vision work with my Chakras my Augoiedes reveals to me a future where I am silent. And light pours out of the mouths of my loved ones.
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I can imagine this may sound a little arrogant. But please understand that my ideas and beliefs are constructive out of a collaborative journey with my loved ones and I don’t have any message which they have not help build themselves.
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I want to give them energy.
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Not take it away through excessive talking.
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So what do I do about the shy and the silent? Good question. In practice I haven’t pulled anything off yet. I still regularly find myself in the hellish nightmare of jabbing my jaws and no one has been listening for quite some time.
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I recently told my best friend at a party that I just provide monologues in case someone might be bored.
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He has since called my behavior in this way “monologuetastic.”
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That shit has got to stop.
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I am beginning a regimen of Vishuddha meditation to help me overcome this.
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I need to be concise. I need to not unleash so much momentum to fill voids of silence. The real secret here, what can make silence penetrating, what can make it truly a form of conversation is that you use it to listen and observe.
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When I am in the presence of some deer in the headlights type, those who are so afraid to make conversation, I will listen with my eyes. I will read them. I will attempt to scan them with my Ajna chakra. My third eye. They will be naked and exposed before me. This should relieve some of my anxiety, and save me from opening the vortex of words so easily generated by my Ruach (the conscious mind in the Qabalah).
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Sorry I am getting a little left-hand pathish, but all the New Ageyness associated with the chakras brings it out in me.
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I also believe that in the True Will (see Thelema) there are often things which are not easy. Which require that the magician domesticate some aspect of their energy to serve the Magician’s Neshamah (the higher consciousness in the Qabalah) not just his
Ruach (the conscious intellect in the Quabalah).
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The Will is Supra-Rational

Posted: February 9, 2012 in Thelema, Uncategorized

IAO131 as an author and occult researcher has provided me regularly with a sound and logical approach to the Great Work. One of my goals is not to get carried away into lala land. Here recently I have been pondering the True Will and this post is very insightful.

IAO131

The Will is Supra-rational

“Our own Silent Self, helpless and witless, hidden within us, will spring forth, if we have craft to loose him to the Light, spring lustily forward with his cry of Battle, the Word of our True Wills.”
-Aleister Crowley, The Law is for All, commentary to I:7

The first question one might ask when embarking upon the quest to understand the philosophy of Thelema is “What is my Will?” or “How do I know what my Will is?” The answer to this questions might initially be presumed to be answerable in the form of a sentence such as “my Will is to be a doctor” or “my Will is to eat this sandwich,” but this is not so, for this is to restrict the Will to the trappings of language and reason. The Will is the innermost Motion of one’s being, an individual expression of the Eternal Energy of the…

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The Seven of Disks- Failure

Posted: January 21, 2012 in Musick, Uncategorized

This is my life card.

August 27th, 1979. Look it up. This is the current I am cursed to surf. Goddamnit!

Luckily I have the Left Hand Path.

Luckily I can add to that Thelema, and the only weapon one could ever wield against this card: My True Will.

Fuck failure.

Everyone fails. Those who master failure are the most successful of us all.

Forever if I draw failure in a reading I will say it is time to manifest your god form or die.

Failure can’t phase a god. You are the Lord. You are the Master.

What is failure? Circumstance:

72 Demons of the Ars Goetia

Posted: January 21, 2012 in Uncategorized

I keep watching this video and doing Metta meditations.

I imagine that I am in the presence of Buer, Vasago, and Behemoth. Who are my demons. But there are a host of others. Including some I love.

Only Behemoth is hostile to me, and he is not even in the goetia.

I will be writing more about my demonological practice, which I consider to be a crucial part of the initiatory path which I am on, to be climaxed at my Abremelin working and led into my true life as a Knight Monk of Thelema.

Why Thelema?

Posted: January 21, 2012 in Thelema, Uncategorized

For those who don’t know, Thelema is the religion founded by Aleister Crowley.

I started writing this post over 6 months ago and have failed to finish it until now. But it serves the purpose better. I have been a Thelemite now much longer.

My path with Thelema began about 2 years ago, but officially I initiated and was baptized in the ECG. My baptismal certificate sits as a center piece in my living room. I don’t even have my diploma up.

There are many aspects to the religion of Thelema, one could actually spend a lifetime on it. There is the Book of the Law which is considered to be a sacred text revealed to Aleister Crowley by his Angel Aiwass through his wife Rose at an Egyptian museum. This is heavy stuff and I can get myself into arguments if I try to pontificate. But let me just say that this aspect of my religion does not offend me in the slightest. Even as I also herald myself a disciple of Atheism.

I read this book. In particular verse 1:47 of Liber al Vel Legis, also called The Book of the Law.

” …unite by thine art so all disappear.”

When I say these words one should envision atomic bombs, conquest of galaxies, destruction by the goddess Kali (who I consider to be a Hindu reflection of our beloved Babalon, sacred Whore). I breathe these little words like air. The rest of the book is mostly a mystery to me, and I am honored to sit at the feet of the Knight Monks who spend their lifetimes pondering the many words of this little book.

The Law of the Thelema is said as a hail to our brethren:

“Do what thou wilt shall be the whole of the Law.”

To which a brother or sister will answer : “Love is the Law. Love under Will.”

Do what thou wilt shall be the whole of the Law.

The secret here is to know what you want. Oh that may sound easy, but it is as hard as any holy quest. My will does not exalt me. My will humbles me.

It brings me to tears, it is the glimmer of light in the vast, vast, sea of darkness.

I don’t even know the whole of it. Just tiny, tiny, little details. The kind that hardcore, intense, militant habits are built from.

My will is elusive. It is so far from me, that it makes me rise to climb like staying on the fucking ground is death.

When I look to you deep in your eyes. Into your chakras. Into your holy potential and I say “Do what thou wilt shall be the whole of the Law. ”

I expect you to break yourself in glory in despair. I expect to see a god-form manifest before me, and I expect to feel your will like the blast of the atomic furnace (Sun) that you are.

For it is also written “Every man, and every woman, is a Star.” In my dreams I say that with a sword in my hand, the armor of the Fakir, and the yearning of Alexander the Great.

And you, in your god-form answer the blessing, the reminder for me to do the same.

“Love is the law. Love under will.”

Love is the law. Love was understood by Crowley to be union, “unite by thine art so all disappear.” I feel the Whore of Babylon’s hot breath on my neck when I read this. If you ever see me read this, envision me as a murder weapon.

Love is the cataclysm of the 2nd Law of Thermodynamics, which Crowley understood. Crowley made it his priority to be well versed in science. Eventually union will triumph over all. We taste that energy, a magician feels it in his or her will.

Love is under will. Sacred will. Beloved will.

What ails you my brethren? Is it not the massive overbearing decay pushed upon this Earth by those who remain ignorant of their will? They who destroy their sacred mother because they plunder as brain dead gods through the chaos.

No. It can’t be allowed to remain.

The Aeon of Horus is manifest. Crowley declared this, an Egyptian war god, as the herald and master of the New Age. Horus is not a mindless fire breathing war god. This Hawk Headed Lord was worshiped in Egyptian and Greek Mystery cults as the God of Silence: Harpocrates. The Christ Child is a clumsy mirror of this concept. The awakened child reveals to the magician the true secret of silence, that it is riddled with awareness and that speech is a necessary distraction from this bliss. I understand silence as the Neshamah of the Qabalah. This is where the perception of the Ajna chakra occurs, and the Sex Magick of the holy Svadisthana is manifest.

Horus beckons to your will as if Arjuna or Achilles beckoned you to war. It is the spirit of war, known to Friedrich Nietzsche as necessary for human ascension. We are not at our best when we are impotent, it is as simple as that.

The Aeon of Horus is with us now. The Law incarnates in increasing social liberality, in the current of freedom, that beautiful 93 current, manifest in the gematria of the Law, which permeates even the sleeping Pashus who ignore awareness of their wills. It is actually a dangerous power, I believe, which the Thelemite must be present as a sacred Knighthood to shepherd this energy into its perfect incarnation. This is the call of Horus, the silence that penetrates from the mezzanine.

I think at this point in the essay it is fair to say I am converted. And converted I am, as I have had many conversions in my lifetime, 3 or 4 at least. And Thelema swallows them all, and shows me what the intense Silence of Horus was guiding me to.

I love this shit.

I was drawn to it by the people. I started listening to Thelema Now! which has revealed to me the true connection between the 93 current and the counter cultural elements which guided me through the earliest parts of my self awareness, and my personal favorite Speech in the Silence which has been my Thelemic education through this whole process. Especially Living Thelema. I also have an Oasis, though now it is sadly far from me, I still pay my dues and will visit soon. And as soon as possible make it habitual.

I have met the finest, most amazing, beautiful people there, showing me the truth: Humans in the path of their true will are gods, and they inspire the most sincere and religious humanism from me one could ever hope to imagine. I could give you biographies for most of them, and that is because each of them is so fascinating and inspiring as to merit the memory of a personal myth for each of them.

This is humanity at its best.

So, a little late for tradition. And far too late in my own life:

Do what thou wilt shall be the whole of the law.

To which I pray you answer

Love is the law. Love under will.

Nuff said.

As someone who kinds of feels like he is in a crafts workshop religion (wiccans like to make stuff) when he is around Wiccans, I am surprised to say I liked this video. It echoes much of my research into sex magick which has almost exclusively been in Hermetic and Left Hand Path traditions: